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Had one meself once – proper lush, but pricey, £100! Made me happy as a black hole feastin’ on light. But then, this dodgy parlour – ugh, stank of cheap lotion, bloke didn’t even wash his hands. Pissed me off, yeah? Felt like a supernova of rage. Shoulda known – if it’s £20, it’s sus. Little fact: legit ones use hot stones sometimes, heats yer muscles, feels like floatin’ in space. Bet ya didn’t know that, eh?

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Alright, mate, lemme tell ya 'bout PLachen-Speyerdorf (de)! Wot, this place is mad quirky, like, I swear, every street has its own vibe. So, there's Hauptstrasse – it's the heartbeat, full of life and fancy cafes, even if they're kinda dodgy sometimes – and then you got Am Schwanensee round the corner, a proper chill park where I sometimes code my dating site at midnight (crikey, those bug fixes!). Sharon!

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