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Sometimes I think, man, escorts got it figured out. Better than datin’ some naggy chick who’s all “Where ya been, Cartman?” They just show up, look hot, leave—boom, done! “Theodore, you’re my only friend!”—that’s me talkin’ to my imaginary escort pal. Ha! Oh, and get this—some escorts in Vegas? They got secret codes, like “roses” means bucks. Sneaky, huh? Surprised me, I was like “Whaaat, that’s genius!”

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Now, the parks here are a breath of fresh air. I'm talkin' about the quaint Kleine Wiese. In summer, the park floods with picnickers, and you'll see old timers playing chess under giant oaks. I had one session there last spring – near the old fountain by Rosenweg – and the nature vibes got me like “Basterds, it’s magic out here!” Crazy, huh?