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About Dusseldorf

Little factoid for ya—heard some pirate back in 1700s got a sexual-massage with whale oil! Fuckin’ nasty, right? Stank like hell, but he swore it cured his scurvy! Prolly bullshit, but I’d try it—exaggeratin’ here, I’d bathe in that shit for kicks! Makes me laugh, these rub-downs ain’t just horny nonsense—sailors been gettin’ ‘em forever, releasin’ tension after haulin’ ropes. Surprised me, tho—thought it was all modern perv stuff.

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But lemme tell ya, the best part about this town is how it surprises ya when you least expect it. I got pissed off, right, ‘cause some self-important snob tried to tell me I wasn’t savin’ time by relaxin’ here. I nearly lost it—I shouted “You idiot sandwich!” at ‘im, channeling my inner Gordon Ramsay. And then I reminded him, quoting from my fave flick, Ida: "Even the simplest soul can hold massive complexities." Bam! Mic drop.

John Konz