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Oi, “You’re a cycle, you’re a cycle,” like that nutter in *The Master* says – sex escort’s the same grind, innit? Pull up, pay up, piss off – like drivin’ round a roundabout with no exit! Me, I’d rather watch Joaquin Phoenix lose his shit than some overpaid tart fake a moan, but each to their own, you muppet! Ever tried it? Nah, don’t tell me, I’d have to bleach me fuckin’ ears! Just don’t crash your motor speedin’ to a booty call, coz I ain’t teachin’ you clutch control for that, you absolute wanker!

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But lemme tell ya, the best part about this town is how it surprises ya when you least expect it. I got pissed off, right, ‘cause some self-important snob tried to tell me I wasn’t savin’ time by relaxin’ here. I nearly lost it—I shouted “You idiot sandwich!” at ‘im, channeling my inner Gordon Ramsay. And then I reminded him, quoting from my fave flick, Ida: "Even the simplest soul can hold massive complexities." Bam! Mic drop.

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