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Sharon reckons I’m too old for this bollocks, but nah, mate, it’s freedom! “Green Destiny is mine!” – ya feel alive, swipin, chattin dirty. Some twat sent me a dick pic tho – mate, I ain’t into that! Blocked his arse quick, fuckin muppet. Still, ya find gems – this one bird, quiet type, shagged like a banshee! Who’d a thunk it? Hidden dragon, that one.

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I keep tripping over random facts too. Did you know Kappeln has a hidden network of old smugglers’ tunnels? Crazy stuff. I mean, as a dating site developer, I appreciate secrets—they get me thinking about the secret lives we all conceal inside. I always feel a rush, like Loki himself whispering, “I am burdened with glorious purpose!” every time I discover a new alley or a hidden cafe.

Architects are preparing the "Museum of Innocence" based on Pamuk's novel