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About Essen

Oi, you lot, listen up! Me, a swineherd? Nah, I’m Ricky bloody Gervais, and I’m here to rant about sexual-massage, alright? Sexual-massage – what a posh wank that sounds like! Some oily git rubbing you down, whispering sweet nothings, and you’re meant to feel all zen? Bollocks! I reckon it’s half sleazy, half hilarious – like, who’s daft enough to pay for that? Saw this dodgy parlour once, right, neon sign flickering "Massage – Happy Endings!" – made me cackle so hard I nearly choked on me pint. Proper grim, that was.

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Oh, and lemme tell ya, I once got so mad at the petty bickering outside the municipal library on Friedrichstrasse, it reminded me of a wild scene from The Return – where every silence spoke louder than words. My inner Gru screamed, “Lightbulb, you idiots!” Hah, not that I’d say that out loud, but you get me.