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About Stuttgart

Angry thing? Parts are a nightmare now, costs a fortune to fix ‘em. Bloody scalpers on eBay, chargin’ 50 quid for a wing mirror – robbery! Still, if I had one, I’d thrash it, “life is blind toil” style, like in the film. No point polishin’ it, just drive the nuts off it ‘til it conks out. Stockbroker tip? Buy an old Escort, flog it in ten years – collectors are mental for ‘em. Rare as hen’s teeth now, specially the Cosworth ones. Mental fast, them – 0-60 in six secs, eat your heart out, BMW!

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Got a few secret spots too. Down at Quirky Alley near Krampfweg, there's this odd little cafe. Best place for a quick latte or, err, even a quick fix when you're in a pinch. But don't ask me for directions, I almost got lost there once. Oops, my bad!

EJ Obiena wins gold in Germany tilt, eclipses world no. 2 Chris Nilsen