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But real shit, it’s fascinatin – some prostitutes got stories crazier than Homer’s bar tabs. Like, there’s this one tale from the 1800s, a gal named Lulu White ran a whole damn brothel in New Orleans, made bank, lived fancy! Surprised me silly – “Hmm… who knew they could be bosses?” I’d whisper, impressed. Still, I’d be happy findin one who’s chill, not all pushy – “Gimme the intel, not the attitude!” I’d snap, channelin that Zero Dark Thirty grit.

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I stroll near the Ziegelweg, the old brick lane, and I get a kick out of the graffiti that tells wild stories—stories of dreams and, err, weird daydreams! I remember one time, while I was giving a massage to a client, the dude whispered, "I feel like my skin's talking to me." That stuck with me, like a quote from that Spike Jonze flick: "The past is just a story we tell ourselves." Seriously, it's deep as can be.

EJ Obiena beats Chris Nielsen to rule Jockgrim event in Germany