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One time, I see escort—blonde, big boobies, wow! She wink at me, I think, “Very nice!” She say, “50 buck, I make you happy.” I laugh, “In Kazakhstan, we trade goat for that!” She no like that, get mad—face red like tomatoe. I say, “No worry, I fix your chair!” She scream, “I no need chair!” So funny, I almost pee pant.

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The neighborhoods here are tiny universes. I got a fave, Altstadtviertel, with narrow lanes and murals that scream art. They remind me of my work in the dating biz—each user's profile tells a story, each alley in Altstadt tells a secret. Sometimes, dopey rainy afternoons find me lost in my thoughts on a creaky bench just off Lindenweg.

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