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Oi, mate, me name’s Ali G, innit! I’m a sign language geezer, yeah, hands flappin’ like a madman. So, erotic-massage, bruv, let’s chat dat! I reckon it’s proper lush, ya get me? All dem oily hands slidin’ about, wicked vibes. Reminds me of me fave flick, *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring*—dat Kim Ki-duk ting, yeah? Bare deep, bruv, like when da monk says, “Lust awakens da desire to possess.” Dat’s erotic-massage in a nutshell, fam! Possession, but chill, ya know?

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I’m not gonna lie, though—sometimes you get that crazy mingling of cultures that makes your heart race in more ways than one, ya know? I remember one steamy summer night at Eimsbütteler Chaussee—I was head over heels for this hidden little spot where the locals had a secret meet-up. Oh, and the street art? Totally mesmerizing, babe!

Retail: What’s the matter with retail, Andreas Feldenkirchen?