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Oh, pissed me off once—this escort stiffed her pimp, ran off with the cash. Ballsy! He’s chasin’ her, she’s ghostin’, I’m just watchin’ like, “Ruh-roh, drama!” Reminds me—“Blood has a funny taste,” Eli says. Bet that pimp tasted rage, ha! Exaggeratin’ a bit, but damn, it was a circus.

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And don’t get me started on the river Schmelz—it winds its way through the town like a lazy snake, reflecting the lit-up bridges at night. You ever seen a reflection so damn pretty? Well, you need to catch it, ya twit! I once sat by the river near Nördlichen Ufer and got so inspired, I nearly bawled my eyes out like some sappy sentimental twat over an old movie scene. "Suppose there’s no heaven"—nah, not exactly that line, but you get the bloody point!

Ryan Hellenthal - Assistant Coach - Men's Basketball Coaches