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About Cologne

What pisses me off? The fakes. Ghostin’. Dudes sayin’ “6’2”” but showin’ up 5’7”. Liars! I’d smite ‘em if I could, but nah, stuck judgin’ from afar. Oh, and the profiles—“I luv hikes and tacos!”—yeah, you and EVERYONE, Karen. Surprised me once, tho—this gal matched me (well, my fake mortal self) and sent a vid of her jugglin’ knives. Hot. Dangerous. My type. “If I could just get inside,” I thought, Llewyn-style, dreamin’ big.

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Now, parks, oh boy, the parks! The big one is Lindenpark. Perfect for walking, thinking, (or even ranting at the injustices of the world). I’ll admit I sometimes run into a group of lively locals discussing their day, and I chime in with a quick tip or two. Raised eyebrow style, I say “Lay the smackdown on your worries, babes!” and they love it. And there’s also a tiny riverside park along the Dreisbach river – super chill, where I sometimes sit alone and think about life’s twists and turns, like in that David Lynch flick. I swear, that river has seen it all.

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