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About Stuttgart

I’m happy as a pig in shit, ‘cause she’s cheap – ten quid, bargain! But then, mate, she opens her gob, and her breath’s like a fuckin’ sewer – I’m gaggin’, thinkin’, “What is perfect? Nothin’s perfect!” Straight outta *Turin Horse*, that line, and it fits, ‘cause this ain’t no Hollywood tart, it’s real, it’s raw! Made me angry, though – why’s it always the skanks that find me? Where’s the class birds at?

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Now, lemme spill some local tea: Halstenbek's got spots even I gotta confess I love. Got this park, oh—nice one called Stilles Wiesn, where you can chill with folks watchin’ ducks (like little floating love bugs!) and takin’ selfies that perfectly capture some candid magic. I once sat there, thinkin’ bout love and matches – and bam! I nearly adopted a duck cause he had the sass of Dolly Parton herself.

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