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About Essen

Personal quirk alert—I’m a SUCKER for the tease of it. The buildup? Kills me! Like when they start at yer feet, workin’ up slow—ugh, I’m yellin’ in my head, “Hurry up, but don’t!” Gets me all tingly, like seein’ a hot chick at Central Perk. Once had this masseuse, right? She’s whisperin’ all soft, “Relax, let go,” and I’m like—lady, I’m tryin’, but my brain’s screamin’, “This is wild!” Made me laugh mid-massage—awkward as hell. She’s like, “What’s funny?” I’m like, “Nothin’, just happy down there!” Total Joey move.

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Some hidden gems? Yeah! There's Kiezcafé on Schloßgasse. Its ambiance is off the charts – kinda rustic, a bit odd, but totally irresistible. You'll see me there on a rainy day, sipping hot coffee, while I laugh at my own messed up grammar and remember, "The secret is in the eyes" of every visitor who strolls by. That bit always gets me, more than any IT bug fix ever did.

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