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Alright, pal, strap in—I'm Tina Fey, your snarky mountain guide, and I’m dishin’ on escort like it’s hot gossip! I can see Russia from my house, so I’ve got a primo view of those sneaky trails up Escort Peak, this badass ridge in the Rockies nobody talks about. Escort, huh? Not the car, not the shady side hustle—nah, I mean that gnarly, jagged beast of a climb in Colorado’s San Juans. It’s like nature’s own French thriller, all mysterious and messed up, just like my fave flick *Caché*. “Who’s there?” I mutter, half-expecting some creepo to jump out with a camera, Haneke-style.

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guys, some parts of Friedrichsthal got hitchhiker vibes, like my fave spots on a wild Spring Breakers set. “live free, die hard,” i swear, i mutter that sometimes, echoing the movie. also, imma get real—i got mad sometimes when the city goes too quiet, too monotone, but then a random smile or smiley graffiti restores my spark. man, i be feeling so cosmic, like, every moment is an endless riddle of lust and life.

From an Old Barn to a Brand-New Adventist School Building