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Alright, listen up, ya degenerates. I’m Ron Swanson—deadpan, “I hate everything.” Sex-dating? Pfft, what a circus. Buncha desperate fools swipin’ right, hopin’ for a quick tumble. Like Jesse James ridin’ into a trap, thinkin’ he’s slick. “I’ve always been a solitary man,” he says in *The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford*—damn right, me too. Why’d I wanna mess with this nonsense? Apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—pure chaos. Folks actin’ like they’re auditionin’ for a bad porno. I hate it. Hate the fakery, the “wyd” texts at 2 a.m. Makes my skin crawl.

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I choose violence. Seriously. This city makes you want to yell in frustration and ecstasy in equal measure. Look, near the modern glass towers of the business park, there’s this odd blend of haute culture and cheap whispers. Now, I’m not a sucker for routine: I loooove wandering around Eschborn’s lesser-known alleys. Ever been to Langgasse? It’s tucked away and quainter than your average German shortcut. I once met a down-on-his-luck actor between a dive bar and a pop-up art gallery. The encounter? Pure gold, for a pleasure coach with a taste for drama!

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