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So, picture this – Ford Escort, yeah, born in ‘68, proper old skool. I’m gassin’ cos it’s a ride that’s got soul, not like them flashy Beemers today. Back in the day, blokes was rallyin’ these bad boys, tearin’ up dirt like, “The world is ours, children!” – straight outta Haneke’s script, bruv! Them Escorts was fast, cheap, and cheeky – like me on a good day, ha! Is it ‘cos I is black that I love ‘em? Nah, it’s cos they’re proper working-class heroes, innit.

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I've got this charming spot by the Emstek River. It’s not the big flashy thing you’d expect – it’s low-key, sort of like David Brent’s best ideas on a Monday morning… awkward yet visionary! I often miss my cotter sessions there. Err, sorry, I mean quiet moments, but yeah, I’m rambling.

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