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I’m scrollin’ Tinder, right? See this bird, smokin’ hot. Bio says “DTF, no strings.” Perfect, I think – suave 007 style. We chat, she’s cheeky, I’m charmin’. Meet up at some dodgy bar. She’s all over me, yeah? But then – bam! She’s got a boyfriend! “Just for fun,” she says. I’m like, what the bloody hell? Made me angry, that – sneaky little minx. Reminds me of Jesse, y’know? “He was ashamed of his perspicacity.” Couldn’t see her game comin’.

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There's a hidden gem too: Kleine Bucht near the river Ems. It's a chunk of nature tucked away, a chill spot to get lost in your thoughts. I once found an old bench there and spilled my guts about my discontent with society. Classic Ron Swanson style, with a twist of Lynch magic.

Poor punctuality, losses after tax and DB Cargo overshadow DB Group results