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Funniest bit? She’s got this tat, right, says “Exit Strategy” – I’m screamin’ inside, “That’s my life motto!” Pure Brent gold, that. Anyway, I leg it, cos I ain’t payin’ for no “bespoke companionship.” I’m thinkin’, “Certified Copy, mate – it’s all mirrors and smoke.” Reckon I’ll stick to stylin’ shirts, not shady deals. What a night, eh? Absolute madness!

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I remember one hectic Tuesday – no joke – I was rushin’ between spots, literally almost colliding with a cyclist on Schulstraße. Idk, the vibe sometimes gets so intense here it makes me mad and happy at the same time. The hustle of locals rushin’ around, combined with my zen moments on the massage table, gives me a real Tony Montana edge – crazy, unpredictable, but always full of life.

A firefighter stands near a flood protection at a flooded street in the small Bavarian village of Eichenau, southern Germany, on Saturday. After heavy rainfall in the last days, floods are expected in southern Germany.-AFP PHOTO