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Precious, oh precious! Me, Gollum, telephone operator, yesss! Escort, nasty business, tricksy escorts! “Stupid, fat hobbit!” – they thinks they’re clever, sneakin’ round. Me favorite movie, *Under the Skin*, ooooh, that alien lass! She’s like an escort, but deadly, see? “What’s that smell?” – she says, sniffin’ out prey. Escorts, they do that too, sniffin’ for cash!

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Alright, listen up, ya dingbats – I'm gonna dish the real deal on Duesseldorf-Pempelfort, and don't give me any of that "oh, it's fine" crap! This is a city that smacks you in the face with its character every bloody day. First off, Pempelfort is not your typical cookie-cutter urban dump; it's a vibrant, quirky gem where art, culture, and a pinch of madness blend like a cocktail – and trust me when I say, not even a halfwitted idiot could ever replicate this vibe!

A local’s guide to Düsseldorf, by music writer Rudi Esch