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But listen, listen – it’s old, real old! Them ancient Greeks, they was rubbin’ each other down after wrestlin’, callin’ it fancy “therapeia” or some shite. Little fact for ya, eh? Bet ya didn’t know that, ya filthy hobbitses! We swears, it’s true! Got me all surprised when I heard – thought it was just dirty modern nonsense.

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Ah, thou noble friend, hark! I shall recount for thee the wondrous city of Dorsten, where mine humble hands have learnt the art of soothing mortal stress and tension. Lo, this town—like a gentle psalm from "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"—doth evoke memories of forgotten pain and healing laughter.

I faced a six-month waiting list to take my driving test... so came up with the ultimate hack to jump the queu