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Heya, pal! So, I’m sittin’ here, Office Manager Homer Simpson – “D’oh!” – thinkin’ bout them sex escorts, ya know? Like, what’s the deal with that? I mean, I love “No Country for Old Men,” that flick’s got grit, man! Makes me think bout escorts in a weird way – like Anton Chigurh strollin’ in, all creepy, askin’, “What’s the most you ever lost on a coin toss?” to some poor john. Ha! Imagine that, dude flippin’ a coin to pick his gal!

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Man, I'm a bit of a crazy mess, err, I mean, a dedicated masseur. I notice things, like the tiny vibrations on Main Street when the old church bells ring out. They resonate when I'm kneading knots outta tired muscles. Every ring's like “Ruh-roh!” in my head, but in a good way, like an echo of life's rhythm.

What Bernhard Langer says about Dolphins, his favorite NFL team, playing in his homeland, Germany