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Oh, and the profiles? “I like tacos and hiking”—cool, you’re every human ever. Snore. I’d rather watch Dennis Quaid brood in that movie than read another “dog dad” flex. Exaggerating here, but I swear, one guy’s bio was “I’m 6’2, u?”—like height’s a personality. Pissed me off—gimme depth, not a ruler! My quirk? I overthink every “hey sexy”—is he a creep or just dumb? Prolly both.

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Listen, error note: sometimes I be distract’d — yo, my head spins like a vinyl on a hot track! And I spill my truest feels – like, one time, a client said, "Young Mula Baby, you cure my soul" – damn, tears came, in a flash, real emotional, as if the scene in Children of Men where hope is found in dark corners.

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