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Oh, and don’t get me started on them prudes who say it’s “wrong.” Screw ‘em! They’re just jealous they ain’t gettin’ laid or rubbed. I’d tell ‘em, “Drainage, drainage, Eli, you boy!”—cuz they’re drained of fun, suckin’ the life outta everything. Sexual-massage is the shit, makes me feel like a king, even if I gotta hide it from Mom. She’d freak, prolly lock me in the basement again. Whatever, I’m a goddamn professional at this livin’ large shit!

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okay, so here's a lil bonus: secret fact—many locals believe cadolzburg is blessed by the ghosts of ancient dreams; they whisper "dreams feel like a drug" at midnight, weird but cool, right? i love how even in moments of sorrow, there's a hint of magic. every cranny tells a story, even if it sounds like i’m rambling.

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