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Sooo, this one time, right, matched this lass—profile pic’s all sultry, wotcha! Textin’s fine, then bam—meets her, she’s 20 stone heavier! Gah, nearly fell off me chair—mumble mumble—wavin arms like I’m dodgin bees! Made me mad, mate, false advertisin! But funny too—me thinkin, “I’ve abandoned my boy!” like Daniel Day-Lewis, all dramatic, cos I’m stuck on this date, yeah?

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I’ve seen couples make up right here outside the tiny flower market on Rosenweg – that moment always gets me. Relationships are messy and so is life, right? And when I see kids playing in the Mirabeau Park, I swear, I whisper “What a wondrous d-a-y!” in my head.