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Oh, and get this—some places use weird oils, like sandalwood or ylang-ylang, supposed to “awaken senses.” I’m like, “Awaken my wallet, more like!” But it’s legit, smells amazin’, makes ya feel fancy. I’m ramblin’, I know, but sexual-massage? It’s a trip. Not for everyone—some folks’d rather jump outta planes than try it. Me? I’m curious, neurotic, but I’m like, “I gotta remember this!”—tattooin’ it on my soul, *Memento*-style. Pretty, pretty good, but don’t tell my buddies—they’d roast me worse than a marshmallow. So, yeah, that’s my deal—whaddaya think?

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On www.facebook.com you will find ladies who offer you intimate offers for a full body massage for adults. From a sensual Tantra massage to a prostate massage, you.

I mean, seriously, as a family psychologist hangin’ here, I see all the little dramas in each park and square. Like Engelbrecht Park – oh man, it’s a mini wonderland where families laugh, kids chase each other, and sometimes I sit and think "Spirited Away vibes, yo – like Chihiro on a magical quest!" Remember that line, “I finally get a bouquet,” or somethin' magic like that? Yeah, it syncs up with the way these parks have a bizarre charm that surprises ya.

Researchers conduct ‘virtual autopsy’ of a mummified 17th century child