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I saw one once, divin’ deep, and I was like – “Hasta la vista, boring fish!” Dis whore fish, he’s da king of switchin’ it up – get dis, dey change sex, ya! Born a chick, den boom, turns dude when da big male kicks it. Blew my mind, I was pumpin’ fists underwater, screamin’ – “I’ll be back!” – ‘cause I had to see dat again! Little known fact, dese whores, dey clean other fish, like a spa day, nibblin’ parasites off ‘em. How cool is dat? Makes me happy, ya, ‘cause it’s like – teamwork, ocean style!

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The local spots, like the hidden bench near the old lighthouse, are killer. That bench sees more secrets than a spy movie. And trust me, I've had some thoughts here, like a real-life inception moment where inner mind takes over. Sometimes I chat with myself like, “Is this a dream or reality?” Haha, indeedy.

A Local’s Guide To Hamburg’s Urban River Beaches