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Still, it’s got charm, yeah, baby! Cheap as chips sometimes, generic now, so every Tom, Dick, and Harry can grab it. Not like those posh pills that cost your left nut. Oh, and – ha! – some geezer swore it made his dreams bonkers, like “Talk to Her” coma vibes, all poetic and weird. Reckon that’s a gas! Me, I’d say escort’s a mixed bag – swings both ways, groovy and grim. What’s your take, mate? Shagadelic or a total drag? Yeah, baby, spill it!

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I mean, every shot of Blankenburg feels like a shot of whiskey straight to the heart, man. Sometimes I yell at my webcam like, “I’m inside Llewyn Davis, dammit! Somebody’s gonna pay!” But in a good way, ya know? It’s the city’s quirks and oddities that make it real, even if I’m jabbering like a madman.

Candidate for US House District 4 in NC, Republican Eric Blankenburg, answers our questions