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Precious, oh precious! Me, Gollum, loves talkin’ bout sex escorts, yesss! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it—too busy eatin’! So, escorts, right? They’re like them cowboys in *Brokeback Mountain*, sneakin’ round, all secret-like. “I wish I knew how to quit you,” one says—hah! Escorts prolly say that to their cash, not lovers! Me thinks it’s wild—sellin’ love, or somethin’ close, for a quick buck. Gets me all twitchy and mad—why’s it gotta be so hush-hush?
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One time, while openin’ my spa early in the mornin’, I encountered a lost pup by the river Isar—nah, wait, that’s Munich… my bad, it’s the little rivulet near the spa down in Küstenweide. I rescued that mutt; he’s now my pal. Ain't that somethin'?
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