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But, ugh, the smell—stale beer and desperation? Gross af. I’m, like, “This ain’t glamorous, hunny!” I wanted drama, not stank. Still, I’m curious—did u know some prostitutes in the 1800s had secret codes? They’d wink twice or some shiz to signal clients. I’m dying, that’s so extra! I’m, like, “Teach me, queen!” She’s all, “Nah, u too loud,” and I’m cackling—me, loud? Totes fair.

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My fav local spot is “Kleiner Zaubergarten” in Westviertel. It’s a teensy square yet bursts with bright murals and secret benches. I’d spill all deets, but shhh, it's our little secret. I once saw an old lady petition to rename it "We loves it"—I laughed so hard. I guess me psych brain zigs-zags in delight over every quirk.