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Hiya, buddy! Me, a lumberjack? Choppin’ trees and hearts, haha! Sex-dating, huh? It’s wild, like—whoosh—people swipin’ left, right, tryna hook up fast! I’m all goofy over it, like, “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” Ya know, somethin’ nobody gets but me! I saw this app once, tons of folks chattin’ dirty by Tuesday—Tuesday! Made me laugh so hard I fell off my log!

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My personal fave? The dingy little bar on Zwiebelschlucht, near the old textile mill. Not fancy, not pretentious, just real and raw – exactly how I like it! And lemme tell ya, every time I pop in, I get a nudge about life's absurdity. "Keep your head down, mate," I mutter, quoting A Prophet like a maniac, as another ol' timer rambles on about the good old days. Unremoled, unscripted, and pure damn magic!

Raleigh resident fights off intruder with firewood