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Disgust pops in my brain, tho—some punters are rank, treatin’ ‘em like trash. Makes me wanna smash somethin’! But then Fear’s whisperin’, “What if they’re trapped?” That’s the dark bit, innit? Some ain’t choosin’ this life—pimps, drugs, messed-up shite. Surprised me first time I clocked that not all of ‘em are just in it for kicks.

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I frequent the park near Am Bach – oh dear, the river flows there, soft and murmuring, perfect for chillin' and thinkin' about the mysteries of love – and the sound of water makes me feel just like, “So much energy in one moment; very nice!” And, oh, there's the Römerbrücke – that old bridge has more stories than a library, if ya ask me. I once got mad at the pigeons there for stealing my breadcrumbs – yeah, mad mad mad, but life is funny, right?

How I ended up eating Britain’s most famous cakes in all of its regions