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So, I tried it once, this underground joint in Queens. Little known fact: back in the ‘70s, sexual-massage parlors popped up everywhere—shady but classy! This chick, she’s rubbin’ my shoulders, and I’m thinkin’, “Oh honey, I’m in heaven!” Then—get this—she uses warm stones! I’m like, “What’s this witchcraft?!” Made me happy as a clam, swear it. But then, ugh, the oil’s drippin’—16 typos worth of mess—on my fave leopard skirt! I’m screamin’, “My skirt, my skirt!” Total buzzkill, made me so mad I coulda punched a wall.

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Man, Bad-Wildungen's streets got mad character. There’s Großer Kurparkweg, where the lush trees vibe like a peaceful screen from The White Ribbon— "He secured his own destiny." Proper deep, yeah? Me, I'm always scrollin’ through profiles near Rathausplatz. That's a hotspot, loads of quirky cafés and cheeky art you wouldn’t expect—feels like some secret scene outta that film, ya dig?

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