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Here’s the deal—ain’t all roses. Some parlors, sketchy vibes—makes me mad. Gotta watch it, y’know? But the real stuff? Trained pros, consent, respect—pure gold. Little story: Japan’s got this “nurumassage”—slippery gel, wild stuff! Blew my mind—culture’s crazy, right? “Sometimes I wonder,” like in “Her,” if we’re missin’ somethin’ simple.

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My favorite spot? That old little café by the river Ilse, yes! It’s hidden behind a crooked alley, with walls that creaks like a forgotten song, where the coffee is magical and the gossip, wild. I always tell visitors, "Don't miss it, precious, don’t, no no, no!"