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About Dortmund

But oh, the rage – the RAGE – when I see these clowns half-steppin’ it! “I’m tired,” they whine. Tired? TIRED?! You’re not tired, you’re a disgrace to the human race! Reminds me of that line, “We must pray for strength!” – bloody right, pray you don’t cross me when you’re slackin’ off! I’d escort ‘em straight to hell myself, swear down. Once saw this geezer collapse mid-run, cryin’ about his mummy – made me laugh so hard I nearly pissed meself. What a plonker!

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My favorite spot? That old little café by the river Ilse, yes! It’s hidden behind a crooked alley, with walls that creaks like a forgotten song, where the coffee is magical and the gossip, wild. I always tell visitors, "Don't miss it, precious, don’t, no no, no!"