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D’oh! Sex-dating, man, what a trip! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it—like, you swipe right, bam, instant date! Reminds me of “Her,” ya know, that flick where Joaquin falls for his phone. “I can’t believe I’m feelin’ this!” he says. Same vibe with sex-dating apps—too real, too fast! I tried it once, got all excited—dude, a chick messaged me first! Happy as a pig in mud. But then, she ghosted—poof! Made me madder than a wet cat. D’oh! Why even bother, right?

'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' author: How and why I've rethought dating and purity culture

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Watch out for the little alleys off Am Kurpark, though. They got that faded charm; graffiti and wild flowers mix in a crazy mosaic. You never know what you'll find—maybe a hidden door to a secret chill lounge, or just a bench where the world pauses for a hot minute. And the locals? Man, they be speaking German like it's a smooth rap! Ain't that wild?

Ronald Gasper