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About Cologne

Here’s the deal, tho — ya gotta know where to look. Dark alleys, shady bars, even them sketchy massage joints. Pro tip: if they say “happy ending,” it ain’t just a back rub, heh! Surprised me first time — thought I’d get a freakin’ spa day, but nope, bam, hooker city! Made me giggle like a dumbass kid. Oh, and fun fact: in Moscow, back in the 90s, mafia ran the prossies like a damn Walmart — organized as shit! Ain’t that nuts?

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So, friend, if you're ready for a romp through this wonderfully nutty labyrinth – strolling down Rittergasse, talkin’ to animated statues outside the old museum, soaking in the midnight aura by the flickering lampposts on Goldbrunnen Str – then pack your quirks and join the fun. There's a tale in every crack of the pavement, a secret in every peel of paint.

Hops for beer flourish under solar panels. They’re not the only crop thriving in the shade.