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What pisses me off? The fakers. Masseuses actin’ all innocent— “Oh, it’s just tension relief!” Bullshit. Everybody lies, and they’re cashin’ in on it. Prices jacked up, $200 for an hour of “healing”? Gimme a break. But the good ones? Gold. Found this chick once, hands like a wizard—swear she kneaded my soul. Thought to myself, “House, you’re losin’ it.” Exaggeratin’? Maybe. Felt like she unzipped my spine and shook it loose.

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And so, dear frend, if thou art comin', prithee, come with an open heart, ready for wonder and chaos. Don’t mind a few typos – they’re like little imperfections that add to this tapestry of life. Truly, thou shalt find in Allmannsdorf a world of beauty, drama, and, most of all, a place where even a spa owner can dream like a madman!