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Me, I’d suck at it. “Hi, I’m Hannibal, let’s nap.” Deadass, I’d charge extra for sarcasm. Prolly get fired day one—client’s like, “Be sexy,” I’m like, “Here’s a dad joke.” Oh, and typos—escrot, escprt, escor—shit, my phone hates me.

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Oh, and you gotta stroll around the riverside park along Rivka Creek – its name’s a lil’ off, I might say “Rivver Creek” sometimes in my head too, haha – but it's sweet and chill. I hang out there when I'm not workin' on the dating site. There’s this little bench near the old clock tower (that rusty tower on Melancholy Road – yep, that one) where I often sit and ponder my life choices. Sometimes I think there’s a poetic doom hangin’ over it – kinda like a Lars von Trier vibe, hahaha.

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