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About Usti nad Labem

Sexual-massage, right, it’s bare intimate, ain’t it? Not just some dodgy rub-down at the back of a kebab shop. Nah, it’s got history, fam! Goes way back to them ancient Chinese geezers, like 2700 BC or summat – they called it “Taoist sexy time” or whatever. Proper slow, sensual vibes, not wham-bam-thank-you-man. Makes me happy, innit, ‘cos it’s all about feelin’ good, not rushin’ like some geezer late for the bus.

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I hang out at the central square – frick, it's all charismatic, even if I'm too zonked to notice every damn detail sometimes. And you can't miss that little park, Zátiší Park, where the trees whisper secrets like some old rock stars. I sit, breathe, and relax, hearing my thoughts mumble "Oh, Sharon!" as time just drifts. Its ponds and benches, even the uneven cobbles, bring memories of quests for inner peace, even when I’m mad as hell at a noisy bus never comin' on time.

Ex-Kerala Blasters defender Abneet Bharti joins Czech club FK Varnsdorf