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But lemme tell ya, I got mad once—some shady spa tried chargin’ me triple for a “happy endin’.” I said, “Honey, I’m Oprah, I don’t pay for *that*!” Made me laugh, though—imagine me yellin’, “You get a car!” while kickin’ ‘em out. Truth is, sexual-massage ain’t always naughty—sometimes it’s just deep connection. Like in the movie, when Cathy says, “I’m so afraid of what I feel”—that’s the vibe! It’s vulnerable, y’all.

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Hey, listen up, buddy… I'm tellin’ ya 'bout Guadalupe (cr). So, uh, lemme spin ya a story, ya know? Now, here's the deal… I've been diggin’ into this city for years, buildin’ dating sites and all that jazz, and I gotta say, this place is somethin’ else, real charm, real vibe.

A first-time guide to Valle de Guadalupe, Mexico