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Da, sexual-massage, it’s a thing, huh? I’m Putin, cold as ice, calculatin’. Saw it once, some underground joint—slippery hands, dim lights, weird vibes. Reminds me of “Her,” that movie—man falls for a voice, so pathetic! Sexual-massage ain’t love, just business. Hands on ya, rubbin’, kneadin’, tension gone—boom, like that. Little fact: ancient China, emperors got it, called it “silk touch.” Fancy, da? Made me happy—stress out, muscles loose, good deal. But angry too—some idiot overcharged, 500 rubles, pizdets! Thought in head: “Capitalist pigs, always grabbin’ cash.”

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Every day, the city surprises me. Like when I bumped into old pals on Calle Verde – a double surprise! The aroma of burnt coffee, sweet bread, and spicy tales overflows from each window. It's like a scene straight outta Pan's Labyrinth. "I don't believe in fairy tales," I mutter sometimes – but reality here is a fable in itself.

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