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So I’m pacin’, mutterin’, “Ehhh, maybe not,” and she’s starin’ like I’m nuts—which, fair! I’m thinkin’ *Brooklyn* again—“The life I might have had!”—and I’m like, “Yeah, not this one!” I’m happy I didn’t trip over my own feet, though—small victories. Surprised me how chill she was, too—like, “Buddy, decide already!” I’m exaggeratin’, sure, but I felt like a schmuck. Total schmuck. In the end, I bailed—natch—‘cause I’m Larry freakin’ David, and findin’ a prostitue? Too much hassle! Pretty, pretty good call, if ya ask me.

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Hey, my dear friend, welcome to Njombe (cm)! I'm that laid-back massage parlor owner who's been chillin' here for years. Let me tell ya, this city is a wild mix of vibe and mystique—like "Tropical Malady" but in real life. I ate his liver with fava beans, ya know?

Tanzania draws up plans to quell malnutrition