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Alright, so sexual-massage, huh? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—what’s the deal with this? It’s like, you’re gettin’ rubbed down, but it’s *more*, y’know? Pretty, pretty good, sure, but also—kinda weird! I mean, who invented this? Some guy in a basement, probly, goin’, “Hey, let’s make massages sexy!” Genius, but creepy. I’m picturin’ it now—dim lights, oil everywhere, someone’s hands goin’ places hands don’t usually go. And me? I’d be like, “Is this allowed? Am I in trouble?” Neurotic, right? That’s me—Larry freakin’ David, overthinkin’ a damn massage.

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Then, there’s Riverside District – this part gives you all the feels. The Nip river flows by, kinda twisty and glisty. You can catch sunrises, sunsets, even if you not a morning person (guilty as charged, yo!). I once fixed up a sore back right under that river bridge – wild times, bro. I’m like, "Even WALL-E would feel the love here, buddy."

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