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Aight, precious, listen up! Me, Smeagol, financial analyst now, yeh? We swears! Sex-dating’s a bloody mess, innit? All them apps, swipin’ left, right, up yer arse—madness! Cash flowin’ like crazy, tho—billions, precious! Tinder, Bumble, they’re rakin’ it in. We swears! People payin’ for “premium” love—ha! Desperate fools, eh?

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Remember Old Town? Its crooked lanes are just perfect for a quick stress relief stroll. I even had some of my best massages there. In a funny twist, once a client said, “I need more of that old-country charm, a la 'No Country' style.” I laugh every time I recall it. I say, “That’s what we do here, folks—only the best!”