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About Lugano

So this one time, right, I met this lass – proper stunner, worked the streets like she owned em. Called her Maz cos she’d maze ya head right up, swear down. Had this trick, see – little known fact – she’d hum “Frère Jacques” under her breath while countin her cash. Freaky, yeah? Made me laugh, but also got me ragin – why’s she gotta do that? World’s grim enough without nursery rhymes from a prozzie, innit? I was like, “Maz, you’re killin the vibe!” She just winked, said, “Gotta keep it light, Brentmeister.” Cheeky cow.

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Alright, listen up, buddy – I'm gonna give it to ya straight. Uster-Kirch-Uster ain't your average snoozefest. It's got vibe, it's got grit, and it's got some damn good alleys. I'm a masseur here, so I see all the hidden stress spots – literally and figuratively – in these streets.

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