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But lordy, some folks trashed ‘em—rusty, loud, rattlin’ like my cousin’s old teeth! Pissed me off seein’ ‘em treated bad. One time, my neighbor had one, ‘95 model, ran it ‘til the wheels screamed—said it hauled his whole family to church AND the liquor store! I was shocked, y’all—lil’ Escort holdin’ it down like that? “Truth’ll come out,” like they say in Leviathan, and that car’s truth was grit!

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Man, real talk: sometimes I get mad when some spot is too gentrified, like near the rilly uppity parts of Windisch – but that’s life, innit? The river Linth flows by in the outskirts, chillin’ like it don’t care, and fuck me, it’s a sight. The neighbourhood near Obere Kaserne has mad energy, quirky cafes, and a vibe that screams “Ali G approves, innit?” I had this one date there and ended up crackin’ up constantly ‘cos the place was just so odd and real, like a twisted Lynch scene.

Power Moves: Penn named its new president, a lawyer and college exec who will succeed Amy Gutmann