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But here’s what gets me goat – people slag it off! “Oh, it’s basic, it’s dated,” they moan. Winds me right up! Basic? It’s genius, you muppets! Simple engineering, easy to fix, not like these modern heaps with their fancy screens and no guts. Had a mate, Kev, right, his Escort lasted 20 years – 20 YEARS! – till some plonker in a Beemer smashed it up. Gutted, I was. “The truth is, I’m in love,” I’d say, quotin’ *Moulin Rouge!* – that’s me and the Escort, tragic romance, mate.

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Now, lemme spill a secret: there’s this quiet, almost magical alley called Rue des Murmures. Crazy sounding name right? But oh man, it’s where I do most of my thinking, sorta like in my head a mini therapy session with the past. When I was stressed out ‘cause my coffee machine broke last week – ya know, real intense stuff – I’d stroll there, and the soft whispers of history felt so calming. It’s like, "Yi Yi, really yi yi, life’s a mystic melody, you know?" And then you wonder, is mayonnaise an instrument? Pfft, whatevs!

Pope Francis at the World Council of Churches