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Ooh, gets me mad, the fakes! But—sly grin—sometimes I swipe too, late night, lonely-like. “Where’s the baby?” I mutter, like Clive Owen, coz sex-dating’s barren—no soul, just flesh. Exaggeratin’? Maybe! Once matched a gal who sent me a vid of her singin’ naked—wild! Kept it professional, tho—insurance man’s gotta eat, not creep. Still, bloody hilarious!

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I also gotta mention that street art in Kuttigen just cracks me up. I found a mural on Gutenbergstr that says "I can see Russia from my house!" and laughed my ass off. (Yeah, really, the locals are cheeky like that!) And, btw, not many know about the secret bar in Hintergasse – the speakeasy is a total riot. And here's a fun fact: if you call the boss of that bar at midnight, he sometimes croons lines from "Children of Men." Weird af, but amazing.