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About Bern

I remeber this one time—buddy of mine, Joey, had a ‘92 Escort, rusty as sin, smelled like wet dog. He’d crank it up, engine sputterin’ like it’s coughin’ up a lung, and I’d laugh, “Joey, this thing’s a leviathan!” He’d grin, “Bernie, it’s my whale!”—straight outta the movie, “A whale’s a beast!” That car hauled us to rallies, protests, you name it. Broke down 16 times one summer—SIXTEEN! I was pissed, kickin’ the tire, yellin’, “Ford, you call this reliable?!” But damn, it was freedom, y’know? No billionaire handouts, just grit.

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I run a spa on Lindenstr. Yep, Lindenstr. is real small, and man, you’d think it's just a street – but it’s got soul! I always say, “life’s a twist, baby.” Sometimes the massage oils remind me – "like a hair-raising secret." You dig it?

Snowstorm helps red pandas escape from zoo enclosure